3 Responses for "How Bill Gates Works"

1. sacrosancttayyar

   June 10th, 2006 at 4:06 pm

   1

   this is the shell code for all micro$oft softs…… :)
   only BillyHead boys imitate Billy and its Billy Machines and its Billy life.

   attention: this code written by none Billy-thinking boys :)

   Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
   Project: Version – Windows 1.0,3.1,95,98,99,200,2001,2003,zzzz

   Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

   #include
   #include
   #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
   #include /* For the court of law */

   #define say(x) lie(x)
   #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
   #define next_year soon
   #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

   void main()
   {
   if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
   {
   if (there_are_still_bugs)
   market(bugfix);
   if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
   raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
   }
   while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
   {
   make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
   lie.h */
   if (rumours_grow_wilder)
   make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
   if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
   {
   market_time=ripe;
   say(”It will be ready in one month);
   order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
   order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
   order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
   vapourware=TRUE;
   break;
   }
   }
   switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
   {
   case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
   say(”It will be ready in”, today+30_days,” we’re just testing”);
   break;
   case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
   say(”Yes it will work”);
   ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
   pretend(there_is_no_problem);
   break;
   case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
   say(”It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to”
   ” the 32 bits architecture”);
   inform(INTEL, “Pentium sales will rise skyhigh”);
   inform(SAMSUNG, “Start a new memorychip plant”
   “‘cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs”);
   inform(QUANTUM, “Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple”);
   get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
   break;
   case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
   say(”Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
   everyone”);
   register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
   when(time_is_ripe)
   {
   arrest(journalist);
   brainwash(journalist);
   when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
   {
   order(journalist, “write a nice objective article”);
   release (journalist);
   }
   }
   break;
   }
   while (vapourware)
   {
   introduction_date++; /* Delay */
   if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
   break;
   say(”It will be ready in”,today+ONE_MONTH);
   }
   release(beta_version)
   while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
   {
   bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
   release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
   introduce(more_memory_requirements);
   if (customers_report_installation_problems)
   {
   say(”that is a hardware problem, not a software problem”);
   if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
   {
   ignore(customer);
   order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, “Keep an eye on this
   bastard”);
   }
   }
   if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
   {
   divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
   wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
   marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
   devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
   if (boobies_start_to_hang)

   dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
   }
   if (there_is_another_company)
   {
   steal(their_ideas);
   accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
   hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
   wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
   buy_out(other_company);
   }
   }
   /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
   us */
   order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
   buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
   laugh_at(everyone,
   for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
   }

   void bugfix(void)
   {
   charge (a_lot_of_money)
   if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
   say(”It is not a bugfix but a new version”);
   if (still_complaints)
   {
   ignore(customer);
   register(customer, big_Bill_book);
   /* We’ll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
   }
   }

2. Vishnu Vikram

   October 3rd, 2006 at 6:52 am

   2

   ** SUCCESSFULL **
   YOU PROGRAM HAS RUN SUCCESSFULLY ON ALL OUR COMPUTERS…
   BYE BILL

3. Dianne

   December 18th, 2006 at 1:43 pm

   3

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