Is he for real? Or is it an act, nothing but an insane blitzkrieg of self-marketing? Was he always taking this drug called Charlie Sheen? Or did he become unhinged just recently?
Whatever it is, Charlie’s dropping his loony pearls of wisdom all over the place in a batty bombing run of wacked-out awesomeness. If you long to become a Vatican Assassin Warlock of your very own — a media pariah/darling who alienates friends, family, and benefactors with equal prejudice — all you have to do is talk like him. While no one could ever be exactly like Charlie, here are a few tips from around the Web on how to Sheen yourself.
First, head over to livethesheendream.com and rack up a few choice quotes. Just click on Charlie’s face and you’ll be given a random example of his verbal psychoses. All the greatest quotes are here, including one of my personal favorites:
Nobody has any idea what this crap means, but hey — that never stops him. If you need more Charlieisms for inspiration, try listening to some of his best ones in his own voice.
Next, you’ll want to pick up some choice swag to show the world your commitment to being just like Charlie. I like this t-shirt, because it’s emblazoned with an image that conveys just the right balance between crazy and awesome, while also showing off another one of those delightful quotes.
Yes, wearing Charlie on your clothes is exceedingly blatant, lacking any hint of subtlety, but Charlie’s not known for his restraint. If this design doesn’t do it for you, there are many others available. Try searching for his name at Zazzle for some quality stuff.
Perhaps most importantly, at frequent intervals in all conversations, inject the word WINNING as a self-descriptor. No matter the topic of conversation, Charlie is always WINNING! He WINS at his work, he WINS with the opposite sex, and he WINS against his enemies. He’s never not WINNING! Just today, Charlie signed up with his own Twitter account. Care to guess what his very first Tweet was about? WINNING!
If you’ve got any good tips or links for Sheening yourself (which I nominate as our new national pastime), share them in the comments below!
