10 Silly Anime Weapons

A lot of strange ideas can come out of anime sometimes, and that includes the weapons that are used. Some of them do not exist, while others would never actually work in real life. This is a compilation of 10 such weapons that I found amusing and the anime that they’re from.

Machinegun Mounted Segways (Aria the Scarlet Ammo)

In the first episode, our hero, Kinji, finds himself bicycling for his life as a bomb strapped to his seat is set to explode if he pedals slower than a certain speed (no, Keanu Reeves does not come to save the day). All the while, he is being chased by a remote-controlled Segway. Not only that, the Segway is mounted with a loudspeaker warning him about the bomb, and a machinegun to take him out if the bomb doesn’t. Now think about this for a second, if you were trying to kill someone, would you really send a machingun mounted Segway when it would be much cheaper to just pay some thugs to gun him down? Not to mention that the average cyclist can out-pedal the Segway’s top speed of 12.5 mph.

Staplers (Bakemonogatari)

While children can probably pull off threatening each other with staplers, how likely is someone to back down if a high school girl threatened to staple him? In Bakemonogatari, staplers are Hitagi Senjougahara’s weapon of choice, and surprisingly, she can use them to force her manservant into submission.

Neko Neko Knuckles (Ookamisan and Seven Companions)

High school students can come up with some crazy and cute inventions. In Ookamisan, one such invention are the neko neko knuckles. They are essentially boxing gloves shaped like cat heads and electrified. I am mystified as to how it can stun multiple times without changing batteries, but it manages to paralyze opponents and leave a cute cat imprint on them.

Boomerang (Various)

Anime such as Inuyasha and Shangri-La feature a large boomerang as a weapon. It can be used to attack opponents from a distance and always returns to the user. Anyone who has played with a boomerang in real life will know that once it hits something, it’s not coming back, so its practical use as a weapon is limited.

Reverse Blade Katana (Rurouni Kenshin/Samurai X)

I don’t know anyone who thinks that katanas (samurai swords) aren’t cool, but to put the blade on the opposite side is just dumb. First of all, katanas are curved, so you would not be able to attack an opponent while unsheathing the sword. Secondly, it would be difficult to slice something with the opposite side of the sword. Kenshin states that the blade is on the reverse side to prevent him from killing again, but I think it would be more practical to get rid of the sword entirely and use a wooden one.

Rose (Sailor Moon)

Tuxedo Mask and his red rose have saved Sailor Moon plenty of times while she was in a bind, but I doubt it would work in real life. The rose stem would have to be very hard and heavy in order for it to cut people by flying through the air.

Rocket Hammer (Battle Angel Alita)

Hammers can be used as deadly blunt weapons, but installing a rocket booster in one just seems like a bad idea. Unlike in anime, I doubt many people would be able to hold onto a rocket, much less move it around to hit a target.

Paper (Read or Die)

I admit that paper is some pretty amazing stuff. Besides being able to write on it, it can be used to stop bullets and protect you from explosions if you had enough of it. Unfortunately, paper would probably not make an effective weapon. Even if you were able to shoot sheets of paper through the air at high speed, it’s not going to do much, especially against modern weapons. You might give some people some paper cuts though.

Breast Missile (Mahoromantic)

The name speaks for itself.

Giant Steel Penis (Dororon Enma-kun Meramera)

OK, so it might not actually be a giant penis, but when a steel rod shoots out of a monster’s crotch, it’s difficult imagining what else it could be. No matter how hard it is, using this tool to try to fight your opponents is just a bad idea, especially if they have a sharp and/or heavy weapon.