8 Manly Video Games That Ooze A Little Too Much Testosterone

To clear up right away, when I say manly video games, I mean games filled with space marines and swears and maybe some boobs and blood. Games that seem to cater to the mind of the fourteen year old male specifically, while the actual gaming audience is much wider. While these games may not be bad per say, (some really are, though) these 8 games seem to come a little heavy with the testosterone at times. Again, not comdemning them, but also, in a few cases, some growing up is needed in this writer’s personal opinion. Not every game needs to have the weight of Journey, but exploitative lesbian love scenes for no reason in a video game just seems a little out of place at this point. Here are eight games that want you to know they (think they) have giant, hairy balls, even if females are the lead in a few cases.

Duke Nukem Forever

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kj-O-FnpGjQ&w=960&h=720]

Keep in mind, when the first games came out and I was in my teens, I ate it up. Oh man, strippers and cops as pigs? This game is so EDGY (by 14 year old boy standards). But then, when they waited and let their audience age two decades before bringing a sequel, they didn’t factor in that audience may have aged a bit, and we did.

I recall the moment I got an achievement for picking up a piece of sh*t out of a toilet and knowing I was about the spend ten hours in the subconscious of a mindless teenager. Problem is, later on you are murdering naked lesbians and shit. It goes from juvenile to cruel really quickly, and just didn’t appeal to ANYONE.

Bulletstorm

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYs7-igS-rk&w=1280&h=720]

Allow me to preface anything I say about this game with the fact that I loved it. I did. I thought the gameplay was great fun. The leash mechanic and point system added much to the FPS formula, and the graphical sheen and bullet-hell madness was a good time.

But let’s not forget, every other word in this game was phuck, and you got extra points for shooting guys in the butthole. Hell, you even for an achievement called “Fire in the hole” for that. Yes, we can laugh at it, but we wont deny how childish and MANLY it wants us to think it is.

Bayonetta

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlgEILEcCho&w=1280&h=720]

Okay, so straight up, one of my favorite action games of ALL TIME. the action is blistering, and the mayhem on screen is unmatched in gaming. BUT, has there ever been a more sexualized female protagonist in a mainstream game than the ‘tit’ular character in this game?

Though she may act feminine and demure, you can tell from the glasses to the librarian mannerisms, she was born from the mind of a man. Hell, she even has special attacks that involve her being naked. The thing is, like Bulletstorm, Bayonetta kind of embraces its campiness, and if you can look past the sexism, you get the best action game this side of God of War (which should also place on the list but people have talked about those threesome mini-games enough by now).

Metroid: Other M

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9cr8YoeNLs&w=1280&h=720]

This game bothered a lot of people because, not only did it change up the game formula for a third time of this beloved series, it seemed to want to focus on just how sexual and sexy Samus was. NOT focusing on that up to this point in her gaming career is what made her such a stellar example of females in games. What a step back.

Suddenly, her body suit is front and center, she has a sexy voice, and she seems to enjoy moving more like catwoman than the Samus we all know and love. I like Team Ninja for the most part, but this was a HUGE mishandling of an otherwise beloved franchise and character.

Metal Gear Series

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03BxD-ojIN0&w=960&h=720]

Again, great series. Fun, original, complex, and sometimes silly. But I knew something was amiss in Metal Gear Solid when I could climb into the ceiling panel and watch Meryl strip. That, to me, felt deviant (and I had to go out of my way to do it, which proves I was just that), and it only seemed to amp up from that point on.

A better example would be part 4, where you could take photos of the sexy bosses as they pose for you like porn models. I know Hideo is kinky and stuff, but come on. That is just weird, dude. If someone is THAT hard up, they should look at Red Tube. Leave that smut out of gaming, as it only sullies its rep.

(Dis)Honorable Mention:

Anything by Suda51. Lollipop Chainsaw, Killer 7, Shadows of the Damned, which brings this list to 8. Love the dude, but boobs and ball jokes permeate a lot of what he does. He is like the Roger Corman of video games.