Ever Wanted to Dance in Jabba's Palace? Me Neither

SWEET LORD, WHY???

This gameplay video contains possibly the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen: Princess Leia, slave outfit and all, swinging her hips and cavorting Dance Central-style in Jabba’s Palace.

Whatever meager hopes you may have had for that Kinect Star Wars game? Go ahead and flush them down the toilet. Because LucasArts has inexplicably decided to include a dancing level in the game.

I must warn you that if you choose to watch the dancing portion of the in-game footage embedded above (it starts at the 3:40 mark), you won’t be able to unsee it. It goes from bad, with Jabba’s slave Oola making circles with her hips, to so much worse when slave Leia steps up to the plate. There’s just so much horror… I’m not sure I have the words to address it all.

There’s this whole notion of dancing in a Star Wars game. It’s an idea worthy of Lucas’ own out-of-touch mind — the same mind that gave us Jar-Jar Binks. Because dancing + Star Wars always results in something so awesome, am I right?

Then you factor in Leia, slinging her bare, limber limbs around… And this thing quickly devolves from an “all ages” game to something a few steps removed from soft-core porn. I mean, why didn’t they just go all the way and throw a pole in there, too?

That’s not the Princess Leia I remember. Leia’s a classic pulp movie princess, sure, but even when forced to wear that famous gold bikini that Jabba put her in, she was way too dignified to entertain that big, ugly slug by shaking her assets for his pleasure.

Thanks, LucasArts, but no thanks. I’m out.

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Robin Parrish
@robinparrish

Unathletic, uncoordinated tall man with endless creativity stampeding through his overactive brain. Comes with beard, wife, and two miniature humans. Novelist. General blogger and main Gaming Geek for ForeverGeek. Lead Blogger, Apple Gazette.

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