Wait a minute. Please, just wait a minute. I NEED to know what is going on over at DC right now. It is as if some robot was programmed to do everything wrong for them and now runs their cinematic universe. I know I’ve talked a lot of shit about DC lately, but I am also the first one to point out when they do something right, so do NOT forget that. But a new Justice League movie based around Justice League Dark. Really? Like, REALLY REALLY? This is not me getting punked, this is real? I am not telling, I am asking all of YOU. Even I don’t know what to believe anymore.
But apparently, director Doug Liman (who bailed on the Gambit solo movie with Channy Taters) will be directing the flick about the “Dark DC” version of the Justice League (that is DC’s biggest problem right now,. ALL their work is too dark in a time when the world needs to laugh most). A team that consists of, wait for it, this is about to get good in the worst ways possible:
John Constantine (also known as Hellblazer). You know, from that Keanu Reeves movie Constantine and the failed TV show. Yeah, him. Unless Sting plays him, DC can just fuck off and stop ruining this awesome character.
Swamp Thing which is exactly what his name implies. A living, um, Swamp that is all emo and shit. Watch his 80’s movies and be prepared to be in awe HE is getting another movie.
Deadman, who is a living dead man. Pretty sure his skill is being dead but like, alive at the same time? Cool, like a grown up goth.
Zatanna who is a sexy magician or something. This is where they will insert objectification, of course. All tits and a top hat, my friends.
Etrigan the Demon who is a, um, demon. Yeah, sounds as subtle as a moose kicking me in the dick.
So a guy from Hell, a female magician, a dude made of swamp, and a dead guy, and a demon (all walk into a bar, sounds like the setup for a terrible joke) are about to get their own movie. Yeah, no one at DC is smoking meth right now. Honestly. No one.
*laughs for 30 minutes at Swamp Thing coming back to theaters in a time when all DC fans just want a Joker and Harley movie.
LISTEN TO YOUR FANS, DC. We are about to walk away…..shit is just getting silly here.