Why Metal Gear Survive Just Isn't a Metal Gear Game

I think as avid gamers (which most readers of this site are), a great many of us have become rather disgusted by Konami (Metal Gear’s home team, initially) for inexplicably firing Hideo Kojima from the company that HE made thrive with his amazing work. That, when paired with the dropping of the fantastic looking PT really drove home that the Konami money machine of today is NOT the same Konami we grew up with, and Metal Gear Survive is the disgusting epitome of all this. The culmination of all their wrong choices boiled down into one, massive, ugly, melting pot of mistakes that I believe will all but ruin the company (that could also simply be wishful thinking on my part).

So right off the bat, let me tell you, Survive is no Metal Gear Solid or Snake Eater. No, this is an online survival game that Konami STUCK the Metal Gear title on AFTER they fired the guy who created, wrote, and directed all the Metal Gear games.

On top of it, having a friend who has the playable BETA only drove home the fact that Metal Gear Survive is NOT a Metal Gear game in any way, shape, or form, and if you support this company for doing such shitty things like this you are perpetuating the problem with gaming right now and don’t deserve to call yourself a true geek, real talk (my favorite two words which you will see again soon).

Konami, What Are You DOING?

All you have to do is watch the above trailer to realize I am right, this is NOT a Metal Gear game. This is clearly an “online zombie shooter/survival game” and not a game about espionage and double crosses and weirdly detailed boss fights that left our jaws hanging open like Phantom Pain did.

This will not have the mindf*ck that was the main character switch from the second game in the rebooted series. They (most likely) won’t have an actual Metal Gear (killer, giant mech that looks like something out of a nerd’s wet dream).

This will most likely not have a half-naked women who has to use her skin (and heaving bosom) to breathe (okay, so Hideo Kojima was a LITTLE weird, but that is where part of the charm of his games lie).

There are also won’t be any of the amazingly quirky characters and nine-hour cutscenes. In other words and like I said twice before, this is not a Metal Gear game. This is a crappy company using the rights they bought to another owner’s material and ruining it by sticking that title on it.

In other words, between the cancellation of PT, this, and their new leanings towards microtransactions and iOS games, we are literally watching one of the best game companies in the last 30 years slice their own throat with a rusty butter knife.

Great visual, huh? Very Hideo Kojima of me.

How “Survival” Games Work

Metal Gear Solid was very much a stealth game that sometimes relied on action-oriented moments. That is how the series would function. Some (surreal) storytelling with enigmatic characters making the whole experience way more realistic because as odd as they were, they made that universe feel like it was inhabited by REAL personalities and not gaming cliches.

Survival games are just that. Survival. Your SOLE mission is to not die. You get waves of enemies thrown at you (judging from the trailer, all the same generic looking zombies with PINK CRYSTALS coming out of their heads, WTF). Not only is it not a true MG game, but character design alone is generic 101. Side note, zombies with pretty crystals coming out of their heads are NOT scary looking.

They are goofy as f*ck looking.

Listen, no matter what you think otherwise, this is a Left for Dead game (which will not be nearly as good as THAT series) with the MG misnomer put on it to sell more copies. It is a very slutty business move, so it makes total sense Konami would make it while performing hara-kari in front of the masses.

Metal Gear Survive gameplay doesn’t even remotely feel like a Metal Gear game. It’s honestly like they didn’t even try. They can no longer to give any f*cks. It’s sad, really.

Call The Game “Survive” Only

Metal Gear Survive won’t survive on the shelves, and the irony of that doesn’t escape me (actually makes me happy, down with Konami).

When people line up to play a new Metal Gear game, the big part of that draw is the feeling that you are literally playing an epic film. Everything is always tense and uncertain, you KNOW anytime you get truly comfortable with the gameplay Hideo woulda thrown a twisted wrench into the mix and switched it all up on you.

The madness and uncertainty were a big part of the draw. Yes, we sometimes got cutscenes that felt longer (and BETTER) than Dawn of Justice, but again, us true Metal Gear fans love that. That is what we like in the series. It is like a superball. You throw the things you NEVER know where or how far they will bounce. THAT is the essence of Metal Gear. Not crystal zombies.

But this game looks to be the exact opposite of that in every single way from what has been shown and what I have seen in actual person. Metal Gear Solid this is not. I basically watched a friend and fellow journalist run around and fight hoards of crystal headed weirdos, while occasionally finding respite, only for the same thing to happen again. And again. And then, say it with me, again.

I can see where survival games are fun and all but don’t throw the name of a beloved franchise on it to sell more copies to people who don’t do their research and don’t know it is NOT A FRIGGIN’ METAL GEAR GAME IN ANY WAY!

I Should Reserve Judgement, I KNOW This

First and foremost, I am a media critic and should be unbiased and approach things on an individual basis. I know this, and I don’t want anyone to think otherwise. As hackneyed and manic as all this rage aimed at Survive may be getting from me, I will say it here, now, and put it into print:

If Metal gear Survive comes out and is far better than expected and from what I have seen from Beta, I will be the first person to admit I was wrong and that my early judgment was off.

I am not the typical internet writer who claims to make no mistakes. No, I KNOW I am going into this hating what they did and the choices they made, and I will do my damnedest to try to not let those biases factor in when I finally do sit down with this abomination (see, the bias is built into me by the way Konami treated its star player, I can’t lie).

Related: Take a Break and Enjoy this Metal Gear Solid Fan Film

The reality about being a writer and someone who judges things for a living is I get to judge things for a living. It is LITERALLY part of my job description, and the beauty of it is, I get to share my feelings on something beforehand with the public, too. Now the thing readers don’t seem, to always understand is, just because I am the person writing what you are reading does not mean I am the person who is RIGHT. My feelings as a media critic are justified as they are my own, but this does not mean I speak for everyone and that I am right here, either.

If I am wrong I will eat my words and redact this. Thing is, we ALL KNOW I AM NOT WRONG ABOUT THIS.

Really, we do.

Metal Gear Solid this is NOT. Hell, screw Metal Gear at all. This game just looks SHITTY and basic, it really does. This is some PS2 level stuff right here.

Look How Hard They Are Trying, Though

Metal Gear Survive gameplay shows us this is not an MG game, but that won’t stop Konami from trying to jam the Metal Gear aesthetic down out throats.

You can see it in the new “single player” trailer. Some weird looking albino characters and a big machine that shoots lasers (ooooohhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh, mehhhhhhh), it is like you are watching a Beatles cover band play a live show yet they don’t know how to play actual instruments or any lyrics to Beatles songs.

This is like when you see one of those movies called ‘Terminator 3000’ and without thinking you click it only to find out it is some shitty Sci-fi, B-movie that tricked you with its title into thinking it was an actual Terminator movie.

In case any of you are missing the subtext of this article, do not buy Metal Gear Survive. Really. Konami screwed its fans (and its main money maker) with canceling PT and then firing him. We cannot support that behavior. If we do, WE LOSE in the long run. We need to stand together and make a statement they all HEAR in their wallets, because that is all that matters to them.

If you pick this game up, you are giving money to a company that no longer cares about you or the art it puts out and rather, sees you as a walking dollar sign. An age demographic on a pie chart. (LITERALLY) do NOT buy into that.

Death Stranding: The Game Konami COULD Have Gotten

Here, I am just gonna post this trailer from the new Hideo Kojima game that he is making WITHOUT KoNAZI.

I mean Konami, my bad:

Now I am gonna show you a satire video of Hideo reacting to seeing the Metal Gear Survive trailer after dropping his Death Stranding trailer:

Now, this is the part where you laugh at Konami for the rest of your life (just like Hideo). That Death Stranding trailer is more interesting and intriguing than 90% of the MOVIES COMING OUT IN 2018, so how did Konami make the right choice?

They didn’t, that’s the point.

And once you look at the Metal Gear Survive NEXT to Death Stranding, Survive is like looking at a Lamborghini next to a used Gremlin (which for you millennials, was also once a car that was utter sh*t) and who would choose the Gremlin.

No one would choose the Gremlin, that’s who.

It’s funny because Kojima released the trailer (and slowly reveals more and more of it) and from the star-studded cast to just how over-the-top and insane (typical Hideo) it is, you can hear the people at Konami seeing it online and flipping their desks like the famous meme:

If that thought does not make you smile, I don’t know what will. They KNOW they lost, they know they f*cked up, and now and forever as their company slowly collapses, they will always know it is their own fault and theirs alone.

Amen to that! Karma is a bitch-Goddess. 

Fudge Konami

Guillermo Del Toro said best after they fired Hideo and then canceled his PT Silent Hills game. When the game awards came on TV and they said Konami would not allow Hideo to attend, the famous horror and action director took to social media and let it be known what he thought about Konami and their business practices.

In that moment, he said what we all feel right now:

And that, my friends and fellow geeks, is why I like the term real talk so much. Because when it works, it is like a punch to the gut no one sees coming.

Game over, Konami.

Also read: The 5 BIGGEST Video Games (Memory Wise) Ever Made

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