We All Gonna Die: Study Confirms People Love To Play Pokémon Go While Driving

We are all gonna die. I don’t mean in the nihilist “we are all always dying” sense, but in this case I mean specifically because of Pokemon Go. You know, the app everyone and their grandmother is playing where they walk around and catch virtual pets they can later brag about but actually do nothing substantial with? Yes, that game. Seems a recent study has found out some very distressing news about Pokemon Go and their myriad of maniacal players:

Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among 16- to 24-year-olds, whom the game targets. Moreover, according to the American Automobile Association, 59% of all crashes among young drivers involve distractions within 6 seconds of the accident. We report on an assessment of drivers and pedestrians distracted by Pokémon GO and crashes potentially caused by Pokémon GO by mining social and news media reports.

So there you have it. That lady who just almost crushed your car by shooting through a red light while on her phone was not GPS’ing directions to the nearest hospital so she could give birth. She was desperately trying to catch a Snorlax, dumb b*tch. Next time you see someone do that, follow them and when they stop, give them the rarest of all Pokemon.

A black f*cking eye.


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