Thanksgiving will be here on Thursday, and while you may be looking forward to it about as much as your next colonoscopy or pap smear, we’re willing to bet that things could be worse than a day of eating with your family. In fact, here are 5 movie families that are likely way worse than your own. If not, our apologies in advance. You’ve really got it bad.
5. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
Your family may have its share of petulant, overgrown children, but I’d be willing to bet that none of them wear masks made of human skin or cut up people for inclusion as the “secret ingredient” in the family barbecue recipe. First appearing in 1974’s classic from director Tobe Hooper, Leatherface and Family have since appeared in five additional movies: three direct sequels (TCM 2, Leatherface: TCM 3, and Texas Chainsaw 3D); two remakes (TCM: The Next Generation and the 2003 remake with Jessica Biel); and one prequel to the 2003 remake. (Yep, confusing, just like it must have been growing up in that house.)
4. Wrong Turn
With names like Saw-Tooth, One-Eye, and Three Finger, the only thing worse for this family is their looks, their style, and their appetites. First appearing in Rob Schmidt’s 2003 backwoods cannibal slasher, theirs is a cabin you don’t want to be visiting this Thanksgiving — because if you do, you’ll probably be the main course.
Don Gronquist’s 1982 slasher Unhinged was one of the 72 notorious films dubbed “Video Nasties” and was a heavy contributor to the expansion of the British Board of Film Classification. It follows three college girls heading to a Pinewood music festival, who are in a car accident and taken in by a seriously freaky family hiding a dark and murderous secret. To give away any more would ruin the experience, so we’ll just say count your lucky stars it’s just a movie.
2. House of 1,000 Corpses
Rob Zombie’s feature film debut remains, for me, his only film worth watching. It follows a backwoods family of goons responsible for the kidnapping and torture of two couples on Halloween, including a bit of vivisection. Threat of an NC-17 rating doesn’t get thrown around too often. It did for this film. The crew appear again in 2005’s The Devil’s Rejects, and they’re equally nasty the second time around.
Not sure how many of you have cross-dressing, split-personality, necrophiliac serial killers with Mommy complexes in the family, but the Bates clan did. Actually, if you don’t count the extended family representation in A&E’s Bates Motel TV series, then it’s hard to even classify them as a family. After all, it’s just Norman, right? Still, you’ve got to give the guy credit for the lengths he’s willing to go to for a familial identity. You just don’t want him carving the turkey.
Those are the movie families that we think are way worse than what you’re likely to end up sharing a table with this Thanksgiving. Did we leave any off? Share in the comments section. And while you’re at it, check out 7 Great Horror Movies For People Who Hate Them for more movie fun!