Movies & Television

The Worst Hairstyles in Star Wars History

The Star Wars series is at its best when it comes to world building. Lucas is skilled at creating sprawling, believable universes with a distinct style of their own. That has not granted him great hair sense, however. Here are the worst hairstyles in Star Wars history.

Queen Amidala

Oh, where to begin. The many improbably haircuts of Queen Amidala are surely deeply lodged in your memory. When paired with her distinctive makeup, it’s an unforgettable look. Seriously, what’s with the one centimeter of red on an otherwise white lip? It’s believable as a makeup trend of the future, but it’s also extremely silly. If you saw that on insta, you would not be in to it.

Her most baffling look is the hanging Mongolian pendant creation. It seems to come out of a hat, and requires far more hair styling accessories than anyone should need.  We got five gold rings, a moon thing, some dangling sideburns (a George Lucas signature classic) and a fancy horn on top. And yet there’s more: witness the two party poppers hanging off the ends, like unlit fire crackers waiting to explode.

Second up is the more conservative hair halo with headpiece. In comparison to the hair-bow of other scenes, this is positively regal. But it’s still a very bizarre hairstyle to choose. It’s the kind of thing that you wear to gloat about your wealth. It’s garish and stupid, but only some one as rich as the Queen could get away with wearing it. And damn if that crown thing doesn’t look like it could be aerodynamic if it weren’t for the serving dish of hair propped up behind it.

The Clone Double Strip

If you watched any of Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated series, you know clones figure prominently in the show’s story lines. They all share the same face, basically the same voice, and most are bald. But a few have a very distinctive double strip of hair smack in the middle of their heads. These racing stripes are confusing as they would be difficult to cut. And they actually meet in the back, creating a vee look: V for Very Bad Hair.

If a trooper wants hair that’s easily maintained and cleaned in the field, this double proto-mohawk is no way to go. You’re gonna look like a shaggy idiot inside of a week, or you’ll decide to shave your whole head and just be done with your insane hairstyle trend. Although, for all we know, that’s how clones go bald. The two strips at the top of the head are equivalent to the male pattern baldness halo on so many geezers.

If you, for some reason, want to learn more about this hairstyle, you can hit up the inexplicably extant Wookieepedia page. But then, considering they have their own entry for “breasts” (with a very detailed Legends entry, no less!), I shouldn’t be surprised. In fact, it’s on that page I learned that the double stripe is traditionally cut to honor fallen brothers. That doesn’t change how dumb it looks.

Kallus’s Beard

The men in Star Wars generally have uninteresting hairdos. Like Luke and Han before them, the go for a neat but slightly long look, embracing their hair’s natural body and texture. Unless they’re evil, then they’re probably bald. And Kallus almost escapes without issue! But his beard is a masterful disaster.

He has what could be described as extremely extravagant mutton chops going down the side of his face, forming what would normally become a beard. But, seized by a fit of whimsy or under the grip of a temporary insanity, Kallus shaved the center part of his beard. It’s an almost perfectly sculpted reverse goatee. And it’s extremely distracting. Even more oddly, he either shaves two little vees into his super chops, or his hair naturally grows that way, perfectly symmetrical.

Rose Tico

Rose has been a somewhat controversial character. As a major part of The Last Jedi, her character drew a lot of fire for her significant role in the ultimately useless Canto Bight plot. Some “fans,” too stupid to separate the character of Rose from the actor that played her, subsequently bullied Kelly Marie Tran off Instagram, since it was totally her fault that they didn’t like the critically-acclaimed film.

Her haircut, however, is unquestionable wacky. It’s like a mullet dressed up for a wedding. The blunt cut bangs in front are framed by flipped-out wings. These go down further than her chin, like they outgrew their place and just went with it. And then the rest of it is tied up in a little pony tail, just for kicks!

Rey

It’s true that Rey might be the coolest character in the sequel trilogy. But she continues the trend of female leads in the Star Wars universe by having absolutely no idea how to do her hair. Sure, she’s from a desert planet that basically functions as a giant junk yard. They don’t even call the food by its name. They call it ‘portions,’ like some desolate cyberpunk hellscape. So she’s likely lacking in female fashion role models. But in the absence of inspriation, you think she’d just adopt a pretty simple hair look: maybe a pony or a bob.

Rey, however, has a song in her heart, and she means to sing it. Bravely and creatively, she went for three, count’em three, buns on the back of her head. You’d think two, okay, two is a normal amount of buns if you wanna do the cute anime chick look. But three seems truly excessive. It’s the kind of thing you’d do if you were obsessed with prime numbers. Or maybe the kind of thing you’d do if you were a fashion icon, trapped on a desert planet and a hundred years ahead of her time.

It’s made worse by the twin locks in front, the super sideburns more commonly seen a Hasidic Jews. While she loses theses in some scenes, the most prominent images of Rey are with the long bits. Like little strings she can use to tie up her chin if she has a cartoon toothache.

Honorable Mention: Princess Leia

As iconic as the side buns are, it is such a weird look! Separated from the iconography of the original Star Wars movie, it’s hard to see how that hairstyle makes any sense. With this capstone look, It very much like George Lucas thought future women’s fashion would basically be the same as today, but with terrible hair.

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