Veruca Salt Says: Team Them Up NOW!

Yes, it is I, the Veruca Salt of comic book geeks back for the third and final installation of my ultimate list of changes I’d enact in the world of comic books, if given the supreme power so to do. Today I’m talking about the ultimate team ups – dream teams of superheroes regardless of universe or publisher. These are the characters I’d bring together with a simple snap of my fingers – and quite frankly if some of these don’t come true someday, I’m going to scream!

Deadpool and the Punisher. We’ve seen them at odds, now let’s see them play nice. Unfortunately, as soon as Deadpool opens his mouth, it’s quite likely the Punisher will put a gun in it. Such is the amount of B.S. that flows copiously from the Merc with a Mouth. And such is the Punisher’s lack of patience for same. But for the approximately 1 issue this team-up would last, it’d be a barrel of laughs. Failing this partnership, let’s try…

Deadpool and The Tick. Take the functioning equivalent of a child and place him in an enormous, indestructible body. Then place him in a team with Deadpool, whose serious lack of maturity and poor impulse control could see the pair of them fall into a whole mess of misadventures. So many, in fact, that readers would probably start to doubt their hero status (if they gave The Tick much to begin with…). As amusing as it would be to see Deadpool scream “Spoon!” repeatedly, as he’d yet again fail to find a unique catchphrase of his own, sooner or later the honeymoon period would wear off. So how about…

Rorschach and Deadpool. Sharing a common bond of batcrap insanity, these two could be peas in a pod. Though they’re both crazy in completely different ways, they’re both utterly awesome. And while we’re fairly certain Deadpool would adore Rorschach, Rorschach would probably just tolerate his newfound partner…barely. But as neither is afraid of going out vigilante style, they’d probably work together quite well. And the dialogue would be, well, simply nuts.

X-23 and Wild Thing. The mysterious daughter of Wolverine and Elektra, known as Wild Thing, doesn’t get much play in the Marvel universe. Her psychic claws inflict pain but leave no physical damage. X-23, on the other hand, is a physical claw-slashing killing machine fashioned as the genetic twin of Wild Thing’s dearest daddy. Somehow the idea of these two young women, both with Wolverine’s powers (albeit slightly modified), forming a partnership and, dare I say it, a friendship, is appealing. One of the most fascinating things we comic geeks get to experience as we read a series is the development of a character from a point of relative weakness to, often, a point of insane strength – of personality and of power. Wild Thing hasn’t had her chance to fully shine, but with X-23 by her side, she’d earn her time in the spotlight.

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Michonne (The Walking Dead), Ash (Evil Dead), Ben (Night of the Living Dead), Selena (28 Days Later) and Sherlock Holmes (Victorian Undead). They’ve all done it individually: kicked some serious zombie butt. Can you imagine the powerhouse punch they’d pack against the undead if they teamed up? It’d be an absolute blur of katana slicing, machete chopping, shot guns blaring, and more fists and feet flying than you could ever hope to track with one pair of eyes. And at the end of the day, no matter how much gore they’re covered in or what sorts of absolute horrors they’ve witnessed, they could put their heads to pillow at night knowing all’s right with the world with a mere utterance: “Elementary, my dear Watson.”

Black Terror (Project Superpowers), Midnighter (The Authority), Batman and Black Panther. Do you know what lurks in the shadows? It’s these guys, primarily. And if they emerge together as one unit, think of the mass destruction they could wreak upon villainous sorts everywhere. Another group that wouldn’t be afraid to operate above and beyond the law, with their unpredictable methods and moods, we’d cling to each issue’s every word until we’d inevitably see what we came for: the good guys win. And win big. In the end, isn’t that what we really love?

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