Why The World Needs An R-Rated Star Wars Movie

Can we be honest here for a second? The people who grew up on Star Wars are now old(er). While many of us were kids when the first movies came out in the 70’s, many of those same kids are now fully grown adults. Wouldn’t it then make sense that there would be one upcoming Star Wars movie (among the many announced) that would be aimed at adults who grew up on the series? The comics have gone dark. The books have gone dark. Hell, even games like Outcast prove the games even go adult and dark. Why why haven’t the movies yet? This, my friends and fellow geeks, is why the world deserves an R-rated Star Wars movie.

Why So Cute?

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First of all, we all know the universe that Star Wars takes place in is deadly serious. Filled with strange aliens and bounty hunters and evil, humanoid droids, it is not a place you would take your kids for a Summer vacation. From shootouts in bars to aunts and uncles being burnt alive, it has never been a nice place. Granted, they try throwing in Ewoks and Jar Jars to make it all easier to swallow for the kids, but on some real shit, Star Wars should play out more like Game of Thrones.

Murder, rape, death, double crossings. The Star Wars universe is perfect for that. So Give it to us.

Cater To Adult Fans for Once

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Listen, when these movies first came out, they became successful because of us. Specifically, because my generation who were kids back then saw the movies thousands of times and bought all the toys. Had WE not done that. Star Wars would’ve just vanished like so many other 70’s movie series. But it didn’t because my age bracket (who is now generation X) ate it all up.

But how has Star Wars thanked its adult fans who essentially made the series as famous as it is? Well, they haven’t. And this is why I am begging for an R-rated Star Wars movie.

How Would It Work?

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Easy. Think Quentin Tarantino in space. Show us darker aspects. Some of the comics from Dark Horse have touched on the fact that there are, indeed, deadly drugs in that universe people can get addicted to. I want a Star Wars movie that has the balls to go to the shadiest and scariest corners of that universe and pull back the curtain. Addiction, space hookers. All that!

Show me some bounty hunter kills. Show me characters that make me quiver in fear. Show me how dark that world can really get, and how the Sith and the Jedi factor in to those things. A Jedi war on drugs could be pretty badass if written correctly. Plus, you got all those people from The Raid movies to star in Rogue One. Do you know how violent and spastic the action was in those movies?

How about giving us a Star Wars movies that is THAT hardcore? Star Raid?

Death Having Weight

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Kill someone we love, and do it in a way that will make the audiences sick. Again, think Game of Thrones. Star Wars has the same kind of ideal when it comes to the power of politics and how petty factions can get when they disagree. But think about death in the Star Wars universe. It never has weight. Han was locked in Carbonite but okay. Obi-Wan died but still got to hang around in spirit form.

Hell, even Darth comes back at the end to chill with his ghost homies. But this takes away any impact death has in that universe. How about someone dies and um, they actually die. Like, have a funeral or something? My main point here is….

We Are All Adults

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We know many more PG-13 Star Wars movies will be made, but I think the real fans who have been there since day one deserve their own movie. A movie that will cater to their passion for the series while also catering to the fact that we are adults and maybe deserve some space blood and space titties.

Yes, I am ending this with space titties.

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